Maybe We Can Keep the Bootstraps… and Go to Therapy

If you’re a fellow GenXer, chances are you heard some version of this growing up:

“You’re fine.”

“Walk it off.”

“Toughen up.”

“Life isn’t fair.”

And, of course, the classic…

“Quit your whining.”

To be fair, our parents weren’t trying to be unkind.

They were raising us the way many of them had been raised.

They had lived through hardships of their own and believed resilience was something you built by simply getting on with it.

In many ways, they weren’t wrong.

Our generation became remarkably capable.

Independent.

Resourceful.

We figured things out.

We learned how to solve problems.

We developed a pretty impressive ability to keep moving forward, even when life became incredibly difficult.

Those are qualities I’m genuinely grateful for.

But I also wonder if, somewhere along the way, we confused being strong with having to be okay all the time.

Strength isn’t pretending you’re never struggling. Sometimes strength is simply being willing to say, “I don’t think I have to carry this alone anymore.”

Mental Health Wasn’t Part of the Conversation

When I was growing up, the phrase mental health wasn’t part of everyday conversation.

If someone mentioned mental health, it usually referred to someone experiencing a serious psychiatric illness.

It certainly wasn’t something we discussed in relation to everyday stress, anxiety, grief, burnout, or emotional wellbeing.

There weren’t conversations about setting boundaries.

Or protecting your peace.

Or recognizing the signs of emotional exhaustion.

Those ideas simply weren’t part of our vocabulary.

Today, the conversation has changed dramatically.

Sometimes for the better.

Sometimes, though, it can feel like even everyday discomfort gets labeled in ways that may not always be helpful.

As with most things, the healthiest approach likely lies somewhere in between.

Maybe Both Generations Have Something to Teach Us

I don’t think the answer is to abandon resilience.

Life is still hard.

There are still moments when you simply have to take a deep breath, lace up your shoes, and keep moving.

That’s part of adulthood.

That’s part of life.

But should it always be that way?

I don’t think so.

Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is admit that we’re overwhelmed.

That we need help.

That we’re grieving.

That we’re anxious.

That we’re carrying something too heavy to carry alone.

Both ideas can be true.

We can be resilient.

And we can seek support.

Those aren’t opposing philosophies.

They’re complementary ones.

We Carry a Lot

Midlife has a funny way of piling everything onto the same calendar.

We’re guiding adult children as they find their footing.

Learning how to support them while letting go.

Managing careers.

Supporting partners.

Helping aging parents.

Managing homes.

Trying to exercise.

Remembering birthdays.

Scheduling doctor’s appointments.

Planning vacations.

Keeping friendships alive.

Finding time for ourselves.

And apparently we’re also supposed to have glowing skin, eight hours of sleep, and a spotless pantry.

It feels a little ambitious.

No wonder so many of us feel mentally exhausted.

My Perspective Has Changed

I’ll be the first to admit that my own opinions have evolved over the years.

I’ve always considered myself fiercely independent.

I like solving my own problems.

I like being capable.

I still do.

But I’ve also learned something unexpected.

Guidance doesn’t make me less capable.

It helps me become more capable.

Whether it’s talking through a difficult season, gaining perspective, learning healthier ways to respond, or simply having someone remind me that I’m not alone, seeking support has enriched my life in ways I never anticipated.

Not because I was broken.

Because I was human.

We Take Care of Everything Else

We spend endless hours thinking about nutrition.

Exercise.

Hormones.

Supplements.

Sleep.

Skincare.

Preventative healthcare.

We happily schedule dental cleanings and annual physicals.

Yet many of us hesitate to give the same attention to our emotional wellbeing.

Why?

Our minds deserve care too.

Peace isn’t a luxury.

It’s part of being healthy.

Let’s Change the Conversation

Maybe our generation has a unique opportunity.

We understand the value of perseverance.

We’ve lived it.

But we also have the chance to normalize something many of us never learned growing up.

That asking for help is not weakness.

It’s wisdom.

Let’s stop treating mental wellbeing like an afterthought.

Let’s encourage our friends to seek support when they need it.

Let’s talk openly about stress, anxiety, grief, and joy.

Let’s celebrate resilience without glorifying exhaustion.

Most importantly, let’s remember that taking care of our mental health doesn’t make us any less strong.

It helps us become the healthiest, kindest, and most present versions of ourselves.

Being resilient and seeking support are not opposites. One helps you endure life’s challenges. The other helps you grow through them. You don’t have to choose between strength and self-compassion. A well-spent life has room for both.

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